Bitter

2009

Sweet as candy, decadent yet poisonous inside

Cheap as dime store brandy, disguised and bottled up like finer wine

But it’s all in how you taste it

And I, I taste bitter

Those simple things in life once loved

Easy, carefree they no longer apply to me

A face to which I looked up

Now can only see disgust, being only shown mistrust

Since you flew away letting me pay for your sins, over and again

I am not who I am not because of you; I am this in spite

Soft as satin, refined and yet unraveling at the ends

Sharp as faux steel, reality dulled up and made pretend

But it’s all in how you feel it

And I, I feel bitter

Beautiful things in life once loved

Trusting, naïve they no longer apply to me

Since you went above

In the wrong hands left your trust, losing me with every shove

Broken promises made, leaving me here just to fret, nothing left but regret

I am not who I am because of you, I am this in spite

Rich as rubies, perfection seen without a looking glass

Cheap as a corner princess, disguised and marketed as higher class

But it’s all in how you see it

And I, am bitter

I do not blame my family for my faults. I blame myself for any faults that are mine. One thing I have always believed, from a very young age, is that we can not let the faults of others dictate who we become. Everything that you are comes from within yourself. Change is always up to, and on, you. That is the premise of this song. I have a very complex family tree. The average family would never understand it. I spent a lot of time with my fathers parents. I refer to them as my parents because for the most part they were. AS they aged (really I should say as we all did) the relationship between my father and myself became very strained. His relationship with them was strained for a great many years. As my grandparents were closer to the end of their lives, the people around them pushed me further away from them, usually as if to protect them. They didn't consider the fact that these two people were my life, that they were pushing me out of my own home. I was given no voice, no choice, and no chance of resolution. A time of my life that I still struggle with today, but, it has made me all the stronger. My love for these people is still great, which is why it hurts.

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Bitter